Feb 2nd

FEB 2nd

There's a million places to begin, so forgive me for my format. Today, I went hours without feeling that humanity is shit. Wanna feel OK for a little while? Move to the slope of a crater near the equator to teach orphans under a pristine sky.

The stars are so intense here. I can easily see the difference between stars and planets, as well as a million tiny stars that I never knew existed. It is a near spiritual experience to see the night sky this clearly: those constellations aren't so stupid now.

Food here is made from scratch, and despite the daily deep fried item or two, it is probably the healthiest that i've had for a while.

Yesterday, I accidentally chose a favorite kid. Well... she chose me. She is a beautiful little girl who is loving and caring. Today I found out that she has HIV. Today I received a handmade picture of flowers from a different sweet girl. My heart is crushed underneath the weight of these sorts of things. A boy here, S, taught me the swahili names of facial features. I also took some kids for a walk today and tried to teach them about the panzi, or grasshoppers here. They seem to have the same life cycle of lubbers from Florida: Giant numbers of toxic grasshoppers sitting on a single plant. They look like someone spilled grasshopper colored paint in splotches all over the wilderness.

I know that every new name that I learn here is going to push out the latin name of a marine organism. Blackcheek tonguefish: Symphurus plagiusa. Blue claw crab: Callinectes sapidus. Lesser blue crab: ????Blank!! I know that I can teach these kids so much: Algebra, Biology, Physics (well, a little physics). Tonight, I taught an older student teacher of my house how to water color. I plan on giving him painting supplies tomorrow.

I like many of the other volunteers. One aspect that I don't like is how some will talk disparagingly about the orphans behind closed doors. What is that? I'm sorry if little 2 or 3 year old Boniface is a cry baby, his parents are dead and he is likely to never leave this country. Can you say that you would have handled the same shit while growing up in the world's most affluent country? Some perspective is needed. I hope that this underthought malice is a symptom of being tired or something, otherwise, why not just stop bothering to volunteer, (or pay to volunteer) if you can't handle the psychological results of an unlucky life up to this far. It looks like these two are very similar to Dr. shawn liston of corkscrew and nicole something from when I worked in corkscrew: everyone else is shit in their eyes as they codependantly enable each other to preclude the qualities of others.

Part of me wants to know every kids story, another part is afraid to find out as it might influence me in a such a way to be less genuine.

This is looking like it will be a hell of a time. The days are soooo long. and very high quality. It feels like I've been here a week already.